Tuesday, March 20, 2012

You Always Have A Choice

Hello there, beloved reader. I realized earlier today that it's been too long since I've posted something...and then sat here for a while staring at the blank screen. Usually I have about a million things I can write about; but today there was very little. Not that I'm uninspired, just that I don't know what to say about things.

There have been a whole lot of changes in my life recently. Some good, others bad. Some that have hurt me a lot (even though some people seem to think differently) and others that have made me smile more than I have since 2006. Some that have inspired me to be more helpful towards others, and events that have made me want to completely walk away from people I never thought I'd turn my back on. That's a whole lot of stuff -- and I'm sure I'd bore you to tears if I wrote about all of it.

Then I realized something pretty spectacular. Everything that has happened in the past couple of months - the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the beautiful, and the ugly; have all happened because of a CHOICE. Sometimes it's not my choice but the choice of someone else. That forces me into a choice for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it's me being faced with two choices; neither of which I like... but there is still a choice to be made.

It reminds me of a movie I once saw with Michelle Pfeiffer - Dangerous Minds. During the movie she says something along the lines of "You have a choice! It may not be a choice you like, but it's still a choice". Even when I first saw that movie so many year ago, that line has stuck with me. We are surrounded by choices, and it's the choices we make that determine our path.

Let me give you a couple of examples. I was recently faced with the very difficult decision of ending a friendship with someone I cared deeply for. It was so not a choice that I wanted to make. Neither choice presented to me was acceptable. I could maintain the friendship even though the person was involved in things I was not 100% comfortable with (nothing illegal mind you; but I have personal standards that I have compromised on in the past -- it's always come back to bite me). If I chose to maintain the friendship, I would be compromising my personal integrity; not something I was OK with. My other choice was to end the friendship and allow us to go our separate ways. This choice makes my heart hurt and my soul cry. I adored spending time with this person and in no way wanted to just walk away -- but I didn't have a choice. The person had made it very clear that they had no intention of not doing what they were doing, and therefore, I had to make the incredibly difficult decision to end a friendship. It was an devastating difficult thing for me to to; but I'm confident that it was also the right thing. Choices -- sometimes there isn't a good one to be found.

Here's another example. I was recently confronted with a major dilemma. Someone I love dearly was acting in a way that made me embarrassed to even be associated with them. It was a ridiculous situation in general filled with actions that I haven't seen since Middle School; starring grown adults. My first thought was "how in the WORLD can you choose to act like that"... and regardless of the defenses provided by those involved, it was a choice. It was a choice that made them look bad, and it also reflected very poorly on those that are closely associated with them. I won't lie -- I went home and cried for several hours over the whole thing while I tried to determine which choice I should make in the situation. You may be sitting there thinking "what kind of choice could you possibly have -- this scenario has very little to do with you directly?" And as true as that statement is, the event does reflect on me, and my reputation in a way; that in itself posed some choices that I have to make. I needed to choose to possibly end another friendship, choose to cut all ties with this person, choose to not do anything at all, etc. I lost sleep (two nights worth) making a choice and I am confident I now made the right one. I didn't like any of the choices all that much; but I couldn't seem to find any other options. However, I made a choice, with the thoughts that MY actions dictate my reputation more than the actions of anyone else. It is with my actions that I can attempt to turn around a bad situation (hopefully).

So, here's the bottom line, my adorable kittens: Your life is the way it is currently because of the choices you made. There is no way to "take back" a choice; but there is always a way to move forward from them. If you don't like a choice you have made -- think about what choices you can make to remedy the situation. Have your hurt someone, or is someone hurt because of your actions? Make the choice to talk to them about it; get their feelings on the situation - TALK to them. Are you feeling sorry for yourself and find yourself in a slump? Make the choice that you can make yourself happy and do it; it's a state of mind (yes, I know sometimes depression is a chemical imbalance - choose to seek help for it in whatever capacity you need). Are you facing a choice that you just don't know what to do with? Find a friend, a counselor, or a relative that you can trust and talk to them about it. They can't make the choice for you, but they can help you in with their advice, their experiences, and their feelings.

Remember, that when it's all said and done YOU have to live with the choices that you make. Be at peace with your choices; think them through. Choose wisely and you'll be at peace with yourself.

Much love <3


Shari said...

absolutely. oh hon. i'm sorry you've had to make those hard choices. i'm glad you were able to get away and do some self healing at the beach. <3 i'm always encouraged by the way your insight turns bad situations into teaching and learning experiences. <3

Bonnielynn said...

(((((((((( Trin ))))))))))))))