Monday, October 15, 2012

Life is Ever Evolving -- and so are we

This weekend, Saturday especially, was a really rough weekend for me.  We won't get into the physical reasons -- they are a moot point sometimes.  Emotionally -- things were just ... rough.

If you would have told me 5 years ago that I wouldn't have been doing what I had planned on Saturday; I would have told you that you were absolutely insane.  That there is nothing that would ever get in the way of this day, and that I would FINALLY have it right.

Yeah, right.  Life happens.  Shit happens.  People lie, betray and sometimes cheat.  People change, and grow apart -- and sometimes they are forced apart.  Even when they love each other completely, and even when THAT part change.  Sometimes it just doesn't work.

For me, Saturday was filled with memories and quite a bit of sadness - even when I tried to over come myself -- I just found myself remembering another time; what feels like a lifetime ago.  I remember love, and happiness and attentiveness.  To be completely honest, I miss it.  And I miss him - on a level that I know I'll never get back.  I also know I'll never get that level back by his (and another's) actions -- and by my decision.

We are still very good friends, even though our lifestyles demand us to see very little of each other.  We talk on a regular basis, Skype when we can, and once in a while I actually get to see him in person.  OK, technically HIS lifestyle demands that; but once in a while I have a social life too.  He's in a very happy, stable, amazing relationship with someone who loves and respects him, and whom he trusts and loves as well.  That is what helps me when I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself... he's happier than he's ever been (and quite possibly happier than I could have made him).   I couldn't be more thrilled for him.

So, yea, I just wanted to share with you where I was this weekend.  I've healed and moved on, as has he.  We talked yesterday (Sunday) and realized that neither of us were expecting the lack of Saturday's activity to be as difficult as it was.

Life is about change, challenge, and perseverance   Sometimes you have to push physically, sometimes mentally, and sometimes, you just have to get over a mountain of emotions.  Whatever your challenge, the best thing you can do is remember that it's not an obstacle you have to overcome alone.

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