Monday, July 23, 2012

The Single Choice

The Single Choice

I met the most spectacular woman today, named Lula.   She was born in 1910 and is currently a dialysis patient with a heart of gold, the soul of a Warrior, and an outlook on life and love that I admire greatly.  We had an excellent chat about life in general while we were both being prepped for treatment today.  She’s lived a long life, full of family, friends and a husband of 83 years.  6 kids, 13 grandkids, 8 great-grand children, and 2 great-great grandbabies.   She laughs every day, cries sometimes, and always remembers to say THANK YOU for the life she has had. 

We didn’t chat very long, shortly after treatment started, her beloved husband walked in.  He carried with him a single plastic rose (because they last forever – just like their love) and eyes only for her.  The moment he walked into the treatment room she light up like a beacon in the dark.  Her smile was genuine as was the love and devotion in her eyes.  He walked gingerly towards her, handed her the flower and kissed her gently.  He then proceeded to sit down next to her, and while she held that little plastic rose, he read the daily newspaper to her.  She quickly nodded off to sleep, and he continued to read; realizing that it was his voice that helped her feel safe enough to nap during a time when you feel so vulnerable. 

As I was quietly observing and listening to my music he looked up at me and smiled, I instantly smiled back and he said to me “I read to her because her eyes have gone bad.  And because she tells me she likes the sound of my voice.”   I just nodded and went back to my music and book; giving them as much privacy as you can get in a room full of patients and doctors. 

After a while, I realized Mr. George (Lula’s husband) was sitting next to me.  I smiled at him and he simply said “I hate seeing anyone here alone.”  I smiled and thanked him for his company.  His compassion was nearly overwhelming and all he was doing was sitting there as his lovely wife snoozed nearby.   He softly asked me “do you have a Hand?” I was very confused suddenly.  I must have looked it because he immediately continued.  “You know a hand to hold when it’s your time to pass on?”  I just shook my head and tried to look less stunned than I felt.  

“Everyone should have that Hand; and it should be a hand that is not family and much more than friend.  Because as alone of a journey as death is, having someone there that loves you like only a mate can really makes a difference. Think about it, and give yourself that chance.” 

So, I’ve been thinking about it.   A lot.   The choices that I have made in my life to this point have put my relationship status as “single”.   I have made some choices to better myself, to better the life of my daughter, and to help us be happier than we’ve ever been.  I’ve made choices that are in my best interest from an emotional perspective, from a legal perspective, and from the perspective that being with the wrong person is worse than being alone.  The choices I have made have left me as a single woman, and although I don’t hate being single, there are times when I wonder if I prefer it to being with someone.  I enjoy spending time with someone I care deeply form  I enjoy the nurturing, caring for, supporting, and loving someone that means more to me than “just a friend”. 

However, I find myself in a place that many “sickies” find themselves in.  Most anyone that has been through a traumatic injury, a serious (or in my case terminal) illness, intense medical treatments, etc. can tell you one truth: it is difficult to keep a mate when something like this comes up.  It is even more difficult to FIND one when you’re in the throes of such medical drama.    I won’t get into all of the over emotional things that run through my mind when I think about the mate situation.  However, I will share this with you, my beloved reader:   I’d love to have that Hand .. and someone to “Walk me Home”. 

So, where does this leave us?  Inspired to open my heart to more possibilities than I’m comfortable with.  Wondering if I should try to allow myself to be loved again (that hasn’t go so well in my past).  And hoping that YOU have that Hand... because it’s a comfort to know someone cares that much. 

Today’s personal challenge:  Inspire someone else by sharing your story.  You never know which heart strings you will tug, and the difference it can make on someone. 

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